Take up space

Be more aggressive! Negotiate harder! Speak up, lean in! Right? Promote yourself! Dance on TikTok, dazzle on LinkedIn, update your website, walk up to people! Hustle, be shameless, don't take no for an answer! And all the good things in life will come bounding to your feet like a cheerful golden retriever.

But writing that made me feel small, anxious, exhausted, and defeated.

Because where there are humans, there is hierarchy. And if you're someone who's been repeatedly reminded – explicitly or not – that you're only in the room on probation, you might just want to keep your head down, enjoy your lunch, and get on with your day. Because putting yourself out there carries real risks when you don't have the safety net of a tech bro, a model, or a CEO.

And I have a problem with that.

Because I need to know that normal people exist – people who are thinking, creating, having a good time – without veneers, botox, or seven luxury cars.

Being unapologetically you makes more space for me. Not less.

People pay good money for tickets to super nerdy niche conventions, they uproot their whole lives and move to big cities, heck, they sign expensive leases and DIY their hearts out to build community spaces.

Nobody has ever said "Ugh I hate it when people are relatable".

The internet is real

The following numbers are 100% made up, but I think you'll find them accurate enough. When we look at social media, and what people are doing there, about 97% just scroll the hours away. 2% also like and comment, 1% actually post stuff.

Here’s what goes through my mind before I hit “share”: My life is boring. My skin looks bad on camera. My mum will see this and want to talk about it. That hot asshole who dumped me in 2014 will get a little ping that I’m still out here oversharing. Not to mention my professional network. Who do I think I am – an influencer?

Maybe I should just stay in my seat and leave it to the professionals. Or if I'm feeling particularly vulnerable – leave the space for those who are more deserving. Like Gaza. Ukraine. LGBTQ+ folks. BLM. The climate. But spoiler: someone will always look better on camera. Someone will always be more deserving of space.

Meanwhile, the Kardashians are still out there selling diet lollipops (we know that’s not what they eat). Joe Rogan just keeps on talking no matter how often he's called out. Trump doesn’t stop setting things on fire just because people might be bored with that now.

The internet is a terrible place in many ways, but it is also the most mind-blowing, incredible thing. You can share your ideas with people you would never be able to meet. You can make things, find your crowd, and earn money in ways that weren’t even possible 10 years ago. That’s about how long it took me to figure out that high-waisted jeans are my friend and how to make decent tantan ramen (guess where I learned it).

#MeeToo became a global phenomenon causing real life change — not because every post was polished, but because people spoke.

What to do about it

I know that these are big and daunting examples that probably feel quite remote from what's on your agenda today. And I know how uncomfortable it is to be seen and heard. But you can practise this. The size of your platform is directly correlated to the discomfort you can handle. I'm not saying suffer through, I'm saying handle. So here's what I suggest.

Step 1: Take care of yourself and your loved ones, shake your body, sing a song, block the motherfuckers and delete their comments. Block your mother, ex and colleague if the thought of them is what's holding you back. Or start fresh. Make a new account, follow only the people who make you feel great. This is boundaries, not cancelling. You get to set the rules in your own house.

Step 2: Start small. Post anything, post often, post quick and dirty. Never mind if it’s good or funny or insightful. Because these are drafts, spaghetti on the wall. And when you see that something hits home, you can make the effort to upcycle it into "proper" content. Like this blog post.

Step 3: Practise being seen. Observe how you feel, write it all down and read out loud in the most dramatic voice (trust me). Practise getting likes, getting no likes at all, getting salty comments and requests for nudes. This is good, it means you have a stage. And when you’re up there, people who need to see you get a chance to do so.

Repeat steps 1-3.

Repeat steps 1-3.

Repeat steps 1-3.

Show me it's normal to be red and sweaty at the gym. Show me you can think seriously smart thoughts at a messy old desk from IKEA. Show me how much fun you can have when you stop wasting time being so bloody ✨aesthetic✨. I need to know!